"Panch Rupiye ka ek packet, Dus ka teen.”
The dude was selling ‘Dambar ka goli’ (Naphathalene Balls). I was in a dilemma. I had never seen naphthalene balls being sold so cheap in a Mumbai local train before. The guy was breaking all records, probably ‘man-dee’ (slowdown) effect as they called. From pens to male energy tablets, you name it and they sell it in the local trains these days.
There exists an entirely different domain of print ad media houses that rakes in moolah by making some of the craziest ads for weirdest of products that you may come across, in transit on western, central and harbor local train lines.
My initial recessionary reaction was to ignore these ads and the products as some cheap wares, but, the market and the potential therein was huge…Lacs of people travel throughout the day in these very trains. The thing about local trains is that all your 5, and sometimes 6; senses are gruesomely put to test. From smell of ‘rai ka tel’ to touching the unclean slits of the door and not to forget the constant vibrations that trains induce upon us, which leaves us shaken – not stirred; just to be alive and reach destination. Whoever said happiness was a way of travel and not destination of course never moved around in a Mumbai local, or, god forbid if he/she interfered in between a Blueline bus and its destination in Delhi, alas, his/her epitaph would read the same!
What comes to rescue then are the colorful printed adverts posted on the walls. Laugh at them, relate to them or solve your problems. Did you know that Baba Bangali actually pays service tax? Okay, that was a joke.
And then it hit me, like a yogi realizes about life, I found a way to make money in recession. If adopted and implemented, I wondered if I could rake in some FDIs as well. Clearly from the look of so many adverts on the train walls, a lot of people were definitely responding and buying these goods. But behold, I market my products to those people who do not want to buy the products, my creations are antidotes to the antidotes sold/marketed in trains. How? Let me explain with my catalogue…
1. Nasha Mukti Kendra sey Mukti: “Sharab Pilaye Sharab chhudaney vale ko bina bataye” –
While some people connive to keep you away from poison of your choice, we help you keep such people away from you. Our patented Litmus papers instantly turn red if there is any medicine in your food, which makes you puke if you have a beer or two. Priced at meager Rs.5 per 6 soap paper sized litmus papers, now you can enjoy that drink you craved!
2. Be 40 Tablets:
While some men can’t cope up with their age and want to be 18 till they die, there are those who abhor it. At 40, all they want to be is responsible and not fill their Rag Rag, with masti ka toofan. Our tablets, of course patented, successfully help you remain to be 40. After all, man is a social animal and not a sexual beast. We understand your urge to be responsible and mature and to hate Salman Khan for all the good reasons, apparently. 10 tablets priced modestly at only Rs. 7!
3. Be yourself pills:
While some men are bugged by the ‘male enhancement pills’ spam mail, we help you regain your confidence by who you are and what you are, irrespective of your ‘size’. All some people need is ‘enhancement’ of their pay packages and annual CTCs rather than you know what. After 8 hours of madness in the office and 3 crazed hours of travelling, all they care about is satisfying their ‘boss’, literally, which is not a metaphor for ‘you know what’. 50 tablets pack rated Rs. 30. A tad costly considering we help in behavior alteration that not even Sigmund Freud could successfully implement.
Our catalog boasts of lot of other products that have been created just to make sure that you do not have to alter your lifestyle to get that change in your life. From non masaledar masalas to help prevent piles, fissures and fistulas to interactive problem solving online chat...our products and services are aimed at rather pro-actively preventing the ailment than to find a diagnosis. We have also tried to venture into the niche market of politics and politicians but have pathetically failed in our testing phase with rats, rabbits and monkeys.
So there you go. I have found a new way to make money and am pretty optimistic of its results. While I somehow also try to find a way to get into main stream media and sell overpriced talcum powders and fairness creams to people from the land of tropics, I hope you like my company’s products and place orders as and where you require. Call us on 1-800-900-2001202-WACO PRODUCTS or send us an sms WACO at 231232.
Customer hamara Bhagwan hai…
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