Recently I was bestowed with a responsibility, by one of my friends, to complete his assignment for a commerce correspondence course by copying from another completed assignment. Since the checker is not concerned if each of the candidate's every single assignment is in different handwriting, which should technically ring alarm bells not just for examiners but also for police and psychologists, my friend is not concerned either and we all wrote up his work during a beer binge.
I have a bad habit of reading everything that comes my way. From paper napkins to assignments. So, but naturally, without mindlessly copying what was on the paper, I was also reading it! The more I read, the funnier it got. Examples are below:
1) An office manager is known as an office manager because he manages an office and whilst he is at it, he is known to know the computers. For an office manager who does not know computers won't be able to manage office and would not be called a manager. For his job is - to manage office.
2)Success of a business depends on Files. Big fat box files, thin cardboard files, weird looking spiral files and plain old iron files. Now do not make mistake in filing and filling. Bombay/Mumbai owes it success to former and existence to latter. And even if I make a mistake in spelling you are too over worked to notice it, is it not, Examiner? Files are cool and business depends on it. Files add pomp to office and also to the bearer. Long live the files. That's why we file now, don't we?
This seven sheet (both sides) written marvel was a work of genius. Now I know, why, commerce students enjoy their college life and tend to be more creative and imaginative than science students. But, this assignment writing brought back vivid memories of childhood and the most dreaded subject known as 'The History'. Now history was remotely as cool as the channel is today. For there were no biopics on Al Capone, John Lennon etc. But, for some reason it had different revolutions. Not to mention that Geography had them too, but, of a different kind. And so came the results of our unit test with one of the friends getting a flat zero. It was a moment of pride for him for India is known to have given zero to the world and he was one of the privileged few to take it. And by God, how he took.
The history madam read his paper to the class and the two distinct answers that I remember are :
1) Question was why was mangal pandey hanged and his answer was Mangal Pandey was hanged because his name was Mangal Pandey and hence, everyone called him Mangal Pandey. He soon was known to the whole wide world as Mangal Pandey and hence he was hanged / hung.
2) Question asked being why was Munich treaty signed on 29th September and his answer was Munich Treaty was signed on 29th September as it was a warm and sunny day, and everyone wanted to be free without any work during the Oktoberfest. As none of the parties were agreeing to anything and Czechoslovakia was not even invited, everyone were going to sign without prejudice and for receipt only. For each country, thereafter, decided to do whatever they felt like. Making and breaking treaties was, in those days, much akin to new year resolutions.
And the class erupted in laughter. The teacher was pissed. History was being made. Literally. Speaking of making History, India kicked Pakistan's butt, even though he was left out of the match for spot fixing. World gets queerer as we speak. But heck, if we can sustain Global warming, worst floods, earthquakes, Rakhi Sawant and Kamaal R Khan, along with his bollywood counterpart SRK, we can tolerate some more. The problem with a country like India going to finals mean a 1.21 billions opinions on how we should go, whom we should take, why and when each and every player should be utilized. Here are some of the not so real views from various personalities throwing their two bits about India entering the finals.
Prakash Karat of the Communist Party of India (Marxist) : The situation has changed now and we demand government will take certain decision on India reaching the finals. India should play in the national interest and each and every player should get a chance to play, at least three overs each, yes. Including Sreesanth and Chawla.
Smt. Meira Kumar, speaker of Lok Sabha: Please maintain silence in the audience. Please let others a chance to speak and cheer.
Shri Lalu Prasad Yadav: If India can reach the finals with sheer hard work, I will become prime minister too, with help of lady luck.
Shri Manmohan Singh Ji: I had no idea that India has reached final, this decision was not mine. I will look into the matter.
BJP Statement : I sincerely am apologetic...quickly retracts the statement and demands prime minister resign over moral grounds and India team receiving no support from the government as it was reaching finals and alleges that congress high command was merely spectating as India was writing history and reaching finals. Demands her resignation too. Just in case, demands a JPC over money for tickets scam and demands it be allowed to hoist the national flag in the wankhede stadium pitch on the day of finals. Jai Hind.
Mr. Rishi Kapoor: Munaf Patel will do a lalaji! And though the match is against Srilanka, he starts yelling, "Simon Go Back", "Inquilab Zindabad"!
Mr. Sharad Pawar, ICC Head : Gives a thoroughly confident statement like he knows the game. Further states that he will contest election for the captaincy of the team and take Dhoni on in his own game!
An Indian Citizen Ranting: India will win the match because India is playing the final. India has reached the final and play it because India is my country and all Indians are my brothers and sisters and they are 1.2 Billion of them cheering on. Heck, for every 4/6 India hit, if we all, together, jump in joy, an earthquake is imminent. The stars are aligned, the mood is set and Blue is the color we are going to paint the Earth with. I mean the Indian Blue. Srilankan blue is a a shade lighter than twice their skin shade.
Three Cheers for India. Jai Hind!
The blog thanks all the famous personalities who took time off their busy schedule and remained unavailable when they were contacted for their statements.
Prakash Karat of the Communist Party of India (Marxist) : The situation has changed now and we demand government will take certain decision on India reaching the finals. India should play in the national interest and each and every player should get a chance to play, at least three overs each, yes. Including Sreesanth and Chawla.
Smt. Meira Kumar, speaker of Lok Sabha: Please maintain silence in the audience. Please let others a chance to speak and cheer.
Shri Lalu Prasad Yadav: If India can reach the finals with sheer hard work, I will become prime minister too, with help of lady luck.
Shri Manmohan Singh Ji: I had no idea that India has reached final, this decision was not mine. I will look into the matter.
BJP Statement : I sincerely am apologetic...quickly retracts the statement and demands prime minister resign over moral grounds and India team receiving no support from the government as it was reaching finals and alleges that congress high command was merely spectating as India was writing history and reaching finals. Demands her resignation too. Just in case, demands a JPC over money for tickets scam and demands it be allowed to hoist the national flag in the wankhede stadium pitch on the day of finals. Jai Hind.
Mr. Rishi Kapoor: Munaf Patel will do a lalaji! And though the match is against Srilanka, he starts yelling, "Simon Go Back", "Inquilab Zindabad"!
Mr. Sharad Pawar, ICC Head : Gives a thoroughly confident statement like he knows the game. Further states that he will contest election for the captaincy of the team and take Dhoni on in his own game!
An Indian Citizen Ranting: India will win the match because India is playing the final. India has reached the final and play it because India is my country and all Indians are my brothers and sisters and they are 1.2 Billion of them cheering on. Heck, for every 4/6 India hit, if we all, together, jump in joy, an earthquake is imminent. The stars are aligned, the mood is set and Blue is the color we are going to paint the Earth with. I mean the Indian Blue. Srilankan blue is a a shade lighter than twice their skin shade.
Three Cheers for India. Jai Hind!
The blog thanks all the famous personalities who took time off their busy schedule and remained unavailable when they were contacted for their statements.
