22 December 2018

NaseerFuddin Shah - Koi MC Bakchodi karke mere liye yeh faisla nahi karega, ki India kab safe hai aur kab nahi!

Naseer Chacha....O Bhosadiwale Chaha.....Remember your own dialogue from movie, A Wednesday?

 "Koi madharchod button dabakar mere liye yeh faisla nahin karega ... ki mujhe kab marna hai"

Hence my title of the post - aaj kal koi bhi fuddu, rather, every Tom, Harry and "Dick" intolerance ka rona ro raha hai. But that's not why you suddenly started crying intolerance now, did you?

First off, it was the FTII Chairman post. You have been eyeing for it for quite some time. When Mr. Anupam Kher got it, your blood must have boiled over the politics of it all, especially when a Modi supporter like Kher getting the plum post that you have eyed for. You have also been quite vocal and critical about his absence from the campus as well. Finally, Mr. Kher did quit the post on 31st October 2018.

If you are doing all this to get the title of the Chairman of FTII, well, thats not gonna get you even a tola of Kashmiri charas which you are usually hooked to. It's better you stick to smoking the chillam that you are so used to. We all know you hate Rizla papers. You are old school.

And seriously, your fear for safety of your children in India? Have you taken a closer look at your own children, in the recent times?


They are all aspiring actors it seems, but, are as photogenic as my Aadhar Card pics. Heck, if they came close to 100 meters near my children, I would rather call the cops. Damn, they are so good looking apparently, they would scare off the entire Kumbh Mela Congregation of Sadhus, including the Nagas and Aghoris. How's that for an intolerance debate?

Second off, You bad mouthed Our Indian Captain Virat Kohli. Now, since you only play "pretend Hero/Villan" in movies, you have no idea of what real life leaders and heroes are made of and what their mettle is. Australians are one of the worst sledgers in the world and Its good to have a young indian cricket team full of attitude who does not shy away from giving tit for tat.

When the controversy backfired on to you, instead of being a sport and being a MAN about it, you decided to play victim and started this "Muslims are not safe in India" charade. India is not new to this facade. Azaruddin did it with a panache before. Vice President Hamid Ansari did it for Sonia Gandhi. Even Ghulam Nabi Azad played the victim card in Aligarh Muslim University some time back. Minority politics is always good politics.

Remember when Virat Kohli at his age is breaking all the world records, you at, twice his age were grinding your hips to "Tu cheez badi hai Mast Mast".  You even justified this by one of your quotes,
"Everybody talks about satisfaction...There is something called financial satisfaction as well", Instead of being supportive and fading away in to oblivion, you decided to have your two minutes of limelight over someone else's success. You are not a REAL STAR. You do not have your own bright shimmering light. You, like a moon, reflect and feed off of someone else's limelight. Have been doing so for quite some time.

You compromised your love for art films and character acting / method acting for commercial cinema and reduced your acting career to nothing but pathetic B / C grade Villain and Negative roles. You have been doing it to feed your family and "Mehr" for more than 35 years now. Nothing wrong with it. But do not try to mix your personal failures and animosity with country, dude.

Indian Cinema gave chances to Nawazuddin, Irffan, Neeraj Kabi and many more like them. You could have had your chances too.

Were you also not quite vocal about the illegal migrants from Bangladesh and Myanmar? That they should not be deported back to their respective countries? Isn't it paradoxical when the country is trying to do something so that all the citizens can feel safe in their very own country and then there are some citizens, who vehemently oppose it, you being part of that cacophony, and then you have the audacity to say that you do not feel safe in the country? It's Irony's turn to dance to "Tu cheez badi hai mast mast" now. Pun intended. Sarcasm too.

Remember you signing petition for mercy of Yakub Memon? A Terrorist who was directly responsible in 1993 bomb blasts in Mumbai? Did you not feel unsafe then, you nincompoop? A person like you who acts in a movie like "A Wednesday" and then goes on to support the cause of a Terrorist, what sort of an "Aam Admi are you" Naseer Fuddu Shah? Ki tumne Naam mey hi Mazhab dhundh liya? Yet another of your quotes from A Wednesday.

Do you know who real star is Mr. Naseer Fuddu Shah? Shahrukh Khan. Even though he may not have acting skills as you once had, he is far more INDIAN and a far better MUSLIM than you can ever imagine yourself to be. At wankhede, when he got in to a fight with the guard and whole crew with his famous, "Yahi gadh dunga MC" words, next day he did not be a pussy about it, like you, and play a victim card or say he feels unsafe because he is a muslim...blah blah blah. He MANNED up. Like any other INDIAN.

Life Goes On on Naseer Saab. Life went on for 1947 victims of riots and partition victims. Life went on for Sadat Hasan Manto. Life went on for victims of more than 2000 riots that have happened under congress from 1947 to 2014 in India. Life went on after 1992 / 1993 bomb blasts. Life went on after the countless bomb blasts till 2008 thereafter. Life went on after the Fidayeen attacks as well.
You once said on stage, "Politically correct people are big bores. I like people who are politically incorrect, I like people who are outrageous". Well, Sir, not only have you crossed the line with your outrageous remarks, seems your statements were political this time. Welcome to this side of the table.

To end my blog with your dialogue from Movie Sarfarosh, a role you did fantastically, maybe it must have come naturally to you, playing the double agent:

"Mey Apne mulk ko apna Ghar samajhta hoon." Aap bhi koshish kar lijiye Naseer Fuddu Sahaab. Achha mehsoos hoga Apko.

07 June 2018

Billo's Story



I found Billo and Brownie on around 12th September 2006. It was Navaratri time that time and Rain Gods had still not silenced their lashings on New Panvel (east). It was pouring cats and dogs.

Around 1900 hours I heard 2 puppies crying incessantly from besides our Bunglow (Cidco garden) on Road no. 1, sector 12 – New Panvel. I went to check out the fuss and found these 2 cutie pies crying continuously and their mother nowhere in sight. Rains were wreaking havoc and it was thundering as if it was July and not September in Navi Mumbai. I brought a shoe box and put the puppies inside and brought them in our house, wiped them clean with towel and saw that brownie had a wound (probably by crow’s trying to bite her) on her back and there were maggots all over.

Billo (white and brown spots) puppy had just a small wound on her paw and there were maggots starting to come and it was swollen. At that hour, I called almost 4/5 registered certified vets but no one came to rescue. No one wanted to touch a pariah dog and check their wounds in New Panvel as it was not cost effective for them.

Only one Dr. Kulashreshtra (in charge of govt. vet clinic – and a Rotarian) came to help. He said that brownie is beyond help as she had maggots up to her eyes and brains. I felt like crying as their eyes were not opened as well at that time and they were hardly 20 days old as per the doctor.

He gave Billo injection and within 2 days she was fit and fine and running around the house. Brownie did not make it. She left us on 13th September 2006 itself in the night. I buried her at the same spot in Cidco garden besides our house where I initially had found her.

Dr. Kulashreshtra suggested name of a trainer for us. Mr. Karve. I met him and he suggested we make a big box as a house for her with bulb on top so that she gets warmth of mother from it. We bought her a baby feeding bottle from which she used to drink milk (50% milk and 50% water – this was also told by Mr. Karve so it was easy for her to digest the cow milk) and she used to do nature’s call every two hours and required feeding every two hours.

I used to sleep at night besides her box and tend to her while mom used to take care of her in the morning when I went to office. Those 3 months were probably the best days of my life as first time as a 25-year-old, I felt like a father to a daughter. We had made big incisions on the box at her eye level so she does not get bored and keeps her self-busy looking around.
But Billo was smart she used to manage to come out of those incisions and lick my nose and ears when I was asleep besides her. This meant it was her feeding time or poop cloth changing time. By 0700 hours when mom came downstairs in the bungalow, Billo was busy roaming around the whole house checking and sniffing things. Mom used to put her back in the box as I was too tired the whole night waking up every two hours. I almost felt like a mother and the only thing missing in my life was a breast pump it seemed: D :P.

Karve Saheb used to visit regularly to help us out. He and Dr. Kulashreshtra were the only guys who came forward to help me during this time. Not a single other Vet would touch her. We had named Billo as “Billo” from the song of movie Omkara, famous at time “Beedi Jalaile – Jigar sey piya”

At the age of three months, we decided to fully train her as a police watch dog. Karve sahib was obviously our choice as a trainer and he did a fab job. Not a single person or car could visit our gully without her barking on them and informing us that we have some visitors.
She had become a total security package for entire Road no. 1



We got her all the meds on time for first year and in the next year got her nutered as no one wants pariah puppies in the world of Labs and German shepherds. This dogma still persists.
Today Billo is almost 13 years old and one of the best security dogs there is in new panvel. Thanks to Karve Saheb. Furthermore, she has her own small kennel where she sleeps in winters and in the Bunglow verandah during summers. She is free to do her thing as a security dog for us.

Billo has also taken part in New Panvel dog show and won most obedient dog award for her training. She is better than any pedigree there is in the market.

After my marriage in 2010 and our son was born in 2012, she has been very possessive of him.

Our family is blessed to have Billo in our life. It’s as if Durga Mata in Navaratri sent her to us as a sign of good will and good luck.

Chori karna paap hai!

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Indian Citizen Ranting by Varun Gawarikar is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 India License.