"What the Fuck" Ranting Series - 1

This rantish cribbing is about the fact that these days I don't have anything to crib about. A cynic's worst nightmare is that he does not have anything to be cynical about. That is my state these days. I hate it, being in such a state. And when I refer to a State, being in Maharashtra does not help one bit. The state does not give a fuck. Nobody does these days. About anything. Nobody gives a fuck about anything these days. Remembering the old Chris Rock joke about giving a fuck here. 

A famous Marathi laureate P.L. Deshpande once said, "Parastithi ha Ashroon cha pran vayu asto" translated means: Circumstances are life force of tears. While this phrase has whatsoever nothing to do with me at this juncture, I just thought it was cool and hence quoted it. It does make a connection on a wider basis though. Since I am in such a state as I wished I would not have been, I am ranting about the state I wished I would not have been - as am in today and blaming not just the circumstances, but also, the very state, in a broader sense ofcourse.

Remember the "I cry in the rains to hide my tears" phrase on the internet. Firstly, what the fuck have rains got to do with crying anyway? Secondly, if you are in the tropical part of the world, like India, does that mean you get to cry only 3 months in a year? What do you do for rest of the nine months if you have strong urges to cry? Plan it for the monsoons. Short weekend crying trips? If you are rich enough, you can always visit Cherapunji or the Amazon to cry. But then again, why not cry in the shower? Yes. “I cry in the shower to hide my tears.” “I sing along too.” I sing and cry in the shower to hide my tears. So does Himesh Reshammiya. But he is making money off of it now, is he not? Or worst instead, what if you have to do some emergency crying and the only available place to console was the restroom, pardon the pun; where the only showers available are the hand jets. Would you dare to try and cry in that ghastly piece of plumbing's presence? Would you? 

All this crying in rain stuff is nothing but a justification of what a double wuss a person is. Firstly they cry. Remember, this is India. In India no one cries. We reproduce. That’s the answer to most of the problems. The boss is screwing you. You screw too. All screw. Secondly, you are scared to show you are crying and want to hide your tears. Wo(Man) did invent handkerchief somewhere during the Neanderthal ages. USE IT. Better even. If you have an urge to cry, make love. Or just love. Love the animals, love the trees, love the people. Of course hate the bastards who have brought you in to such situation in the first place though. Apart from them, spread love. Its better than blowing noses when crying and spreading common colds around. 

If that does not help, Think ash-abhi's child calls his/her father, Beera and his mother, Jodha. That has to help. Or Imagine that Himmesh Reshammiya is crying and singing in your bathroom whilst in the shower. If this fails too. You are not human. Since I read somewhere that people have no time and generally stop reading stuff after about 500 words, I shall stop now. More of What the Fuck Rants later. 

As you all know, I rant in 140 Character on twitter @rantingindian . Follow me.