In the coming paragraphs you will be enlightened on 'How much money that Princeton alumni dude who invented orkut makes?', 'How much Google earns out of it?', And how Satyam inflated its books of accounts by hiring those non existent "work from home" spammers? The data is breath taking, sometimes inspiring, somewhat scary and hence I have abstained from reproducing it, get the joke here guys, I am just kidding.
I learned all about online social networking after I took a keen interest in viewing and reviewing a huge sample of profiles, male and female (1:100 ratios); by reading each and every message in my inbox. I even signed in as a girl to understand the cause, extent, nature and magnitude of friend's requests; the motives and modus operandis. All of this I did to acquaint myself with a better understanding of what goes on in people's profiles and what it truly means.
Hero Heera - Lal(s) / Heroine Heera Ben(s):
While you might think that 35% of Aam Junta believes they are too ugly to use their own photos as DPs, you are wrong. They find it unsafe to do it (why not use condoms (?)). They cite security reasons. But, it is not un-natural to click on a profile to be greeted by topless Salman, Abhishek and Hritik. Or, Aish, Katrina and Sush (in Salwar Kameezes) with wacky profile names. Sameer Jalinder...I have Attitude, Cute Sameera...only friends scrap me Et cetera. It still remains kind of mystery why people do not use their own photos; a question only the likes of Vetal could ask and an answer only Raja Vikram can give.
When I confronted a number of people with the question, some said they did this to vent out their deeper, darker, taller, handsomer, prettier and sexier desires. Since that is synonymous with most things Heavy Metal I could understand the philosophy: It’s considered uber cool.
The Goths: Type O thoroughly Negative profile :
Click at your own risk. You will be greeted by, I hate the world, I want to die, Love is a poison; sweet because I added sugar (depressed Goths with a sweet tooth) etc. Such profiles epitomize, nay, they are the height of depression. I mean, who would want to die in a virtual world? I raked my brains to understand the uniqueness or doctrine behind such crestfallen virtual presence and could not come to any conclusion. I guess they took Bob Dylan’s famous quote “He who is not busy being born is busy dying” literally.
While this category falls into I hate myself and I want to die, there is balance - there are those who hate each other and want to kill. Isreal Vs Palestine, India Vs Pak, Bihar Vs Maharashtra, Tamil Vs Sri Lanka, and almost everything against everything (I hope you got the point).
While you thought that your next door neighbor is unsuspicious looking nincompoop for a human or a Samaritan for a CEO, he is busy flexing his finger muscles and spewing hate on the online forums. Although pappu passed the exams, Raju got a K.T and jail term because the punk had Leninist aspirations to lead a proletariat and fulfill his Hazaron khwaishein. Hello virtual Saddam, who is effectively hiding behind the Bush or a firewall or a proxy.
The internet addict:
After doping, boozing, smoking, over eating and smoking gazillions of flavored hukkas, the new addiction is the talk of the town. It is lethal than Vietnamese snake bite because it directly acts on the grey cells with the WWW virus. No stimulants required and no police to bust your happiness in pubs and outdoor raves. Folks smitten by this virus prefer to stay indoors and play football online and curse their sports teachers for not noticing the Messi like talent that their fingers possess. Football any one?Such is their love of the virtual life that their idea of the first date is ‘updates’, where food is replaced by feeds and goodbye replaced by gn and tc.
Earn while you surf cate – gory:
My favorite and hence kept at last. Amway’s martyrs haunt the web with errie precision and large volumes. All the hot girls of the world send you messages to work from home and earn thousands of dollars, and you do not even have to order copious amounts of cocaine from Colombia to make such killing profits. All you have to do is spam and spread malware/spyware and adware. Being a part of this coven means you will be looking, hot, pink and especially searching lacs of profiles that are ‘here’ for dating. I even received a message that Ramalinga raju did not doctor the books of accounts, he was actually working from home in the above mentioned fashion instead of doing executive work of Satyam. His ‘chain’ comprised of most of the family members and loyal subordinates. Did I mention that Raju is actually a hot looking 18 year old girl who wants you, ASAP?
Well, I have come to a conclusion here: shake sphere was right when he said what’s in the name, when you have 1024 mb space to goof about. Happy networking - lonely, anti socially or socially.
