God said, ‘Let there be Light,’ F.M retorted, ‘Let it be taxed,’ M.S.E.B added, ‘Let it be cut during the peak hours.’

One morning, I was getting ready for going to work…usual week day. I offered my prayers and sat for breakfast.

Suddenly, God appeared from the thin air and asked, ‘Child, tell me, are you happy with your country?’
‘I very much am God. I get electricity for 20 hours, water for 5 hours a day and good roads for 6 whole months in a year. The most important thing is - I was born in Free India 26 years ago and our country has been free for almost 60 years. What more could somebody ask for?'

‘God, if you don’t mind, I am getting late for work and I would not want to loose my incentives. Furthermore, my boss would not believe the excuse that I was chatting with you.‘

‘Child, don’t worry about that, God said. I’ll take care of it. Come; show me the things that you love about your country.‘

‘God, I love almost everything about my country. The only flip side is that buying a house in Mumbai is probably more difficult than securing a place in Heaven.‘

‘Since in this lifetime, I would not be able to achieve the former, I was wondering if you could put up a word for me and my family with St. Peter for the latter. We are ready to offer 14% more prayers in a month than we do now, every month, for the next 5 years. ‘Child, your offer is subject to Earthly & Heavenly risks,’ I will go through your offer carefully before accepting, God said.’

The Car cranked and I and God were soon zooming on “The Expressway” to Pune. God marveled at the sight of his own creations (beautiful brown mountains, lush green trees, vast farmlands) and the sub-contractor’s – The Expressway.

We were passing through a tunnel and God asked me to stop there. I argued with God that it was not allowed to stop in tunnels and/or on Expressway. But, God again assured me that he would take care of it and hence I obliged, though I was skeptical about how God would bargain with the Traffic Police, if we were caught, i.e.

God started laughing with joy and said ‘Child, look at the mouth of the tunnel, this proves my theory – "There is light at the end of the tunnel."

‘I agree God, I said. But there is also toll booth at the end of it. Further, two wheelers, three wheelers, bullock carts, cycles and jay walkers are not allowed.’

‘I hope you have Indian currency for the toll as nobody is allowed to pass for free on the Expressway and you are only God, not a Politician.’

Municipality culling Dogs. Police taking care of Humans.

Various sections of people from the entire country criticized the actions of Bruhat Bangalore Mahanagar Palike (BBMP) recently.

The BBMP had culled a bunch of waiters of a certain hotel for they had mauled three children, one of them, the CM’s son; the reason – children demanded food after the closing hours. Dogs from various areas were also killed for they had mauled small children, however, Dogs of Bangalore have been unfortunate in this regards – neither contraceptives nor sterilization; no food or life!

The central government has also come down heavily upon the Karnataka State government for its’ utter callous approach at curbing the Dog and Hindu menace – as recently seen in Bangalore mauling incidences and Mangalore riots. The top officials of the Karnataka government, on condition of anonymity, told our reporters that there have been direct orders to put to sleep, both these factions. All the money, thus saved, is to be used for upliftment of the minorities and families of the victims of dog bites, if they are minorities i.e.
All the resources, natural or human are to be claimed by the minorities first, said the P.M.

No party or any other news media, other than the Animal Welfare board, RSS and our news channel praised the efforts of Gujarat government for effectively carrying out sterilization of 45000 dogs in the city of Ahmedabad alone, since, such acts of balance by an opposition party was considered a threat to the central motto of – India Poised. The cotton farmers of Vidharbha though, are still poisoning themselves against the backdrop of booming economy and a linear growth in inflation.

The left factions meanwhile praised BBMP, not for they believed in culling of dogs, but because their Chinese comrades asked them to.

The communists further informed that culling humans was also not a bad practice if aesthetically done for pragmatic purposes. Large scale human massacres could also be justified if done for land acquisitions…

From each according to their abilities (fertile lands from the farmers) and to each according to their needs (Rs. one lakh car manufacturers and SEZ owners).

I, from the bottom of my heart, give zero Marxs to such innovative policy makers. May god bless them and rest their souls in peace (here, I pay homage to the murdered dogs and the mauled/killed little children of Bangalore).

* All names have been withheld for security reasons; the crimes are of such magnitudes that neither ‘The Bahadurs’ nor ‘The Bhaiyyas’ are willing to guard the witnesses. They have (witnesses) sought protection from Italian Mafia, at a hefty price of course; instead.

Gollum seeks The Ring and a Bride.

We started for mulshi dam (about 40 Kms from Pune city, India) at about 15.30 hrs. (The name of the village, where the Dam is built on the river Mutha, is Mulshi, hence, Mulshi Dam). There were two couples, one married and one in mutual agreement to marry each other in the near future. Tagging along with them were three ‘Stags’, including me. I wonder why the married / about to be married men are not addressed with such grace as well.

Probably because once the rings are exchanged and marriage ceremony completed; though the man is the ring bearer as well, wife assumes the position of the ring master and once a ‘Stag,’ the man is reduced to an acrobatic monkey, ever changing his antics to please the master, but, time has proven that almost all men, in due course, choose willingly to be such monkeys, thus proving that a Stag’s brains are inversely proportional to their spirit (of freedom).

We changed lanes at chandni chowk, Pune and were on the course to Mulshi Dam. The road, right from the start, was full of twists and turns. The young minds were inclined on proving their prowess on the tarmac. Packed with 67 BHP (break horse power) and 15 BHP in a car and a bike respectively, seven souls were racing towards the destination for we didn’t want to miss the sunset. The beers were getting warm as well! Paradoxically most of the horsepower was concentrated in the car, wherein, both the couples were seated. It seemed ‘Stag’ term wasn’t so graceful after all (assuming stags to be as powerful as horses). I was craving for a large Royal Stag; I am talking about the liquor of same name, by the way.

Mulshi Dam lies amidst the Sahiyadri range of mountains, the pride of Maharashtra. The view from the road on practically each corner was breath taking. Asthmatics and people with weak hearts should refrain from visiting here. Sincerely, the scenery was full of flat lands; most of them were sugar cane farms. Strategically placed mountains encompassed the horizon, which gave a feeling that Gods owned these lands. Yeah Yeah…Kerala as well.

On the contrary, we did come across villages time and again. Looking at the poor farmers and their houses, mystic thoughts were crushed with sullen reality. Vested democracy superseded God’s creations to bring about feeling of a depressing joy. I wondered if God had directly created Rum instead of Sugar canes, the farmers would be a rich class of people and visiting Mulshi would be a cheer(s)full journey for all humans.

We reached Mulshi at about 1730 hrs. and quickly found a great Dhaba (Shack), Paradise Café, which provided awesome food and an approach road that directly took us to the banks of river Mutha. It was a 15/20 min walk from the Dhaba. We were looking exactly due west, straight at the Sun. It was shining brightly, just like I do during the closing hours on a Friday evening at my workplace.

A great mountain stood tall, exactly opposite us. The river curled around it in its natural course only to be stopped by a dam(n) on our right side a few kilometers away. Tata Power generated electricity from there. And yes, we still have 4 hours of load shedding in Navi Mumbai, which is approximately 100 Kms. from Mulshi Dam.

I was in a fix at that spot for, to my North direction (the water, Mountain & the setting Sun - w.r.t compass, west direction) provided hope that tomorrow would be better. Its not that today is bad, but why not hope for the best.

To my west direction (huge river & a long streak of mountains) provided courage as I did not know anything about the places that lay in that direction. And the local trains were min. 50 Kms. away, wherein, I could buy a map of Maharashtra & probably come up with some logic to counter argue the phrase ‘West is the Best,’ whoever disagrees with me should go visit Kurla west. The only things ‘Best’ there are the buses.

On my east direction was the dam site, which was neither visible nor were we allowed to visit there. The power station brought about feelings of anger and loss of faith (in our current government). Another parameter that annoyed me with east direction was a group of people who kept on screaming and shouting needlessly. And last but not the least, the concentration of communists in east direction (of India) is in such magnitude that it irks most of the nationalists of our country, including me. At that point of time near the river, I hated east direction.

I was sitting closest to the river and all my cousins; bhabhi (cousin’s wife); would be bhabhi (another cousin’s would be); two of my relatives (stags like me) were all due south to me.
They are my loved ones and my life. Of course one of the cousins could not join us because he was busy mating…err…in meetings. I wished my sister, her husband and their little toddler was there as well. They would have loved that place.

The setting Sun, rather, the Earth’s revolution and Beers were a function of time and both were disappearing relatively fast.

The Proposer and the Proposee, yes, I am talking about the couple who intend to marry each other. The girl’s father was against the idea. Hence, they had not exchanged any rings, yet, to pacify themselves they did gift each other all the 3 parts of collector’s edition of ‘The Lord Of the Rings’, I do not know why.

Unlike any other Neo corporate executives, their love for each other was as pure as that in the medieval times, a strange phenomenon. They had made a 3 point program to achieve the final goal of binding themselves in holy matrimony, they were as follows:

1.The Fellowship of the Ring -

In near future, the couple would exchange the rings. In Hindu marriage system, the rings are exchanged before the marriage as the part of the engagement. The rings would then be kept safely, in the custody of two of their closest friends. These slug heads would also sign the marriage registration as witnesses and would indirectly be an accessory to the small percentile increase in India’s already inflated population. Did I mention that the marrying couple is commerce graduates? The fellowship of the ring was thus, created.

2.The Two Towers -

Now I would not like to directly disrespect the girl’s father and call him ‘The Dark Lord, Sauron and there is no question of calling the boy’s Father/Mother anything because they did not have any qualms with the marriage. So, let us assume for a while that the girl’s mom and pops are the ‘The two towers.’ The girl’s parents would either have to give consent to the marriage or face the might of ‘Love’ and specie that would help the couple in their ordeal was the ‘Gollum,’ for he is still in search of his ‘Precious & the ring.’ And he has a pure evil mind that would support the couple in their marriage.

3.The Return of the King –

If everything went well as anticipated by the couple, they would get their marriage registered and return as King and Queen to happily live ever after and help ‘The Gollum’ in his pursuit of finding his ‘Precious.’

It seems that even ‘The Gollum’ wouldn’t want to stay a stag. Let’s hope the best for Gollum and pray that everything goes well for the couple.