Shoe-Kran!

Conceived by the bulimic and anorexic pioneers of the first world fashion industry and forged in remotest places of alleged third world countries like China and Bangladesh by Children and poor of all ages, a product was mass produced to satiate the needs of brand conscious crowds, who wanted the product as office wear, casual wear, disco wear, hiking wear, riding wear, trekking wear and wore they did, two at a time. Known to the primitive Indian (the red ones – Apaches, Navajos, Comanche) as moccasins; later came to be known as shoes and sneakers.

The boot was worn and utilized to its optimum use for many applications, most particularly, as a survival technique, when weapons were not around: to kick unsuspecting enemy’s gonads. The Thai people were the earliest to understand these hazards and banned it in their social fighting sessions – kick boxing etc.

The word shoe has different meanings in different languages across the world; English being the obvious one, in Gujarati and Arabic it means ‘What’. In Marathi it means ‘piss’. Ironically the verb form ‘to piss’ or 'pissing' in Marathi is ‘Shoe-kar’, which translates in Hindi as ‘Thanks’. In Arabic, Shoe-kran means Thanks. Got the link? Looking at all these meanings I now actually sympathize with the Iraqi dude who started this world famous sport of “Shoe-t the politician”.

It all started the, biggest communication error ever in the world, in 2004, when America was looking for booty of mass destruction. Late Saddam Hussein kept saying all his country imported was boots, mass produced, for which, they bartered in oil a plenty, ask Wal-Mart, said he. The almighty of America who dwelled in Air Force one would have none of this small talk. He invaded Iraq and captured it, err, liberated it. It was the Tandav for democracy. Killing of the people, by the people, for the people, the next generation would enjoy the dances of democracy thus.
Successful coronation of his (Dubya’s) friend as president of Iraq, in a democratic way of course, was undertaken with much jubilation. Dubya decided to have a press conference thereafter, while most people could not understand what Mr. President was saying, said to be English, one Arab Journo kept asking, “Wallah Shou”? Meaning in English: What? What? Dubya’s IQ beat him to the question and he looked exclaimed and started reading from his speech again. The irritated journo could not take it in more so he decided to ask his question in a more objective form, thus the shoe incident, but, stupid is as stupid does, said Forest Gump. A simple question, ‘What?’ said in an objective format was misunderstood as an act of terrorism. Uncle Sam’s CEO ducked like NEO, he must have always believed he was the one. It was later confirmed by the journo that all he was saying was thank you America actually. Shoe-kran.

The incident has caught like wildfire in India and during elections many people are using this technique of saying thanks to the politicians for doing all the good work in their respective constituencies, with all the high security its impossible to go up to them and say thank you. So people choose to throw shoes, Shoe-Kriya. The shoe is thus manifested towards the politician’s Kriya, as in his actions in his constituency.

Dear Friends, you are all now a better judge of what actions actually mean. Any statistician would affirm the fact that chances of hitting are 50% more when both the shoes are thrown. Its simple law of averages, but no one is doing that right? That means the intention is not to hurt. It’s to say thanks actually. Did you see that the sock was attached to the shoe when it was thrown? Nope right? This further asserts that stinking politics was not motive behind their acts either. Look at the politician’s faces below, they are clearly thankful:

Next time, you don’t even have to throw a shoe at a politician. Not even make an action of doing; all you need to do is thank them for existing, say – Shoe.Kriya, Twice at that. But, then there is a saying in hindi that Latoon key Boot baton sey nahi mantein (Shoes used to kicking do not resort to talking, err, whatever that is).