REUNIONS

Exciting yet nerve numbing are thoughts about school/college reunions; we get to meet all the geeks and the freaks of the class, and laugh with them as we were partly both. The only problem is the spouses. Wives / Husbands will get to meet our Ex-es (if you had any, I know I didnot) and crushes. The not so funny part about school reunions is that, what transpires in all the reunions across the world is exactly; well almost, same. What people say and what it really means, what people do and what activities go in such reunions can all be summarized in not more than 10 points to be precise.

1) “Wow, you have not changed one bit since the last time I saw you, that was in school.”

This is mostly used by girls; One girl to another. What she really means is, “Have you been dieting, working out etc?” The class mate is totally jealous and will go on to ask the “beauty” secrets so that even she can fit into that school uniform once again. Her husband would love that you know. One should handle such questions very diplomatically and let the asking person know how beautiful they still look. One may add the ace, “You look so mature.” But beware, this sentence has to be used as a supporting assertion to an equally cool statement, example: “wow, you have grown into a hottie, and the hair do makes you look so mature, total head turner, Girl!” Remember never to use the aforementioned ace stand alone, which plainly means she looks old.

2) “Wow, you look so different, I bet I could not have recognized you on the road if you passed me by.”

“Aah, indeed I do.” “I have undergone exactly one surgery more than Michael Jackson. In fact he had recently called me up to inquire how to keep the nose intact after so many surgeries.” Such questions are aimed by girls/guys to guys usually. Because it either means that your daily breakfast, lunch and dinner constitutes junk food in abundance or you were a couple years late to reach puberty and gather the hormones it takes to look like a grownup. I am a bit emotional about this one as I get this sentence a lot. Use your sense of sarcasm to shove such sentences away like, “Yeah, I need 30mg dose of amphetamines just to cross the road and hence I refrain from indulging into any activities, lest, it involves food and drinks, where is the food counter by the way?”

3) “Where have you been? What do you do these days?”

This is one of the most genuine questions that one comes across in reunions. But being an Indian having blind faith in allegedly organized Education sector, there are at least one or two guys / girls, who have become chronic diabetic/heart patients after working those grave yard shifts and living Chetan Bhagat’s millionaire fantasy. Nothing wrong in that except for two things; of which, first being you always thought that these subject dudes/dudettes would turn out to be the next rocket scientists and the second and most important being Chetan Bhagat is an IIT & IIM pass out, who would have either ways raked in the moolah.

4) “Is that you, ohh my God?”

This borders treacherously around the question in serial number 2, however, this is a first person question aimed only at a specific category. You have almost lived your life forgetting that one guy/girl you always bullied. He/She have now turned out to be either Arnold Schwarzenegger or the next IT kids on the block. They used to share their Tiffin boxes with you, unwillingly of course. But opportunity knocks at all doors and such is the knock on their’s they can either knock you out cold or they can get you that dreaded pink slip. And you try to find a way to sulk into oblivion for the rest of the evening staving off from their path. And try to be as discreet as possible during the buffet.

5) “Do you remember that guy/girl, who used to…dress like that/ talk like that etc etc. Where is he/she now? Any clues?”

Beware of the comparison barometer protruding its ugly head once again after so many years. As kids, we indulged into comparisons and we haven’t changed mentally a bit when talking in terms of comparing with other students/kids. As a class mate we never took any interest of any sort to find out the human side of the subject person and suddenly after so many years you remembered, out of all the people, him/her? Fate plays its vicious card and sadly the person has been standing right besides us during this entire stretch of discussion. An evil snarl, good old cuss word or two follows and he/she walks away to meet some other, better known classmates.

6) “Are you married/when are you getting married/Any kids etc?”

Yes, yes, it’s in the pipeline and I don’t know when I would see the light at the end of that tunnel. The best one liner comes from the worst off in all this love/marriage thingy (me being a good example) “I am waiting for the right person.” By far the best line I have heard till date is, “I am waiting for this wave of inflation, global meltdown and recession to pass.” Yeah right, like the girls only say yes to proposals when the consumer price indices are at their lowest. Awkward questions in testing times, they test our patience and will to exist as a bachelor for some more time.

7) “Are we meeting like after 15 years?”

What difference does it make? It’s actually 115 years, but since you were space travelling, time has caught up with us and half of us are dead. The other half are about to commit suicide after hearing you talk on “making half fried eggs in zero gravity.” The point I am making is at least we are meeting, finally, after all have successfully cleared their matriculation/graduation. Except for that dude who migrated to USA and the one who went to Kenya and that kid who migrated to Canada and that guy who went to Zimbabwe…ZZZZZZZ!!!!!!

8) “The Teacher’s pets Vs. Teacher haters debates”

One of the most interesting debates and times of the reunion in general, sides are chosen and battle lines drawn. While the guys were physically attracted to that one hot teacher who taught the most boring subject, girls were emotionally attached to the ones who shaped their lives, they do believe in this theory. How ironical would it be for a history teacher to shape future? Or a Geography teacher trying to shape the future, as haphazardly as he/she drew the map of our country. Science teachers always get mixed responses in such debates. They are loved for the love and knowledge of the subjects itself, while hated for demanding hypothetical proofs for not doing homework etc.

9) “Fun and Frolic and reminiscing the old days”

Yet another one of my favorites; this would be at the top in the list. Antaksharis, Dumb Charades, Housie, Lotto and what and what not. The best part about this ordeal of playing games is the part where you become kids/collegians again. For those moments, I don’t know about you guys, but I have tried to live those moments when all were together in those uniforms etc. The pondering and talking about the one day and week long picnics; the excursions…Einstein would have come to know about “time travelling” had he been to some of the reunions that take place across the globe. Arghhhhhh.

10) “The Tata/Bye byes and we should do this again sometimes.”

Call me mushy or over emotional. I hate these bye byes. Phone numbers are exchanged and a promise to be in touch with each other, with plans to meet often, but life goes on and we seldom meet again. Life goes on and we look for a chance to live those moments, remember those wonder years. We take active part in our kid’s upbringing for the very same reasons, I feel. We try to live those magic moments again through him I guess…Those were the days. Rather, like Brian Adams would croon, the best days of my life.