Television is going through a revolutionary phase these days. Bigger and better than Che Guevara or the hippie movement ever was. This has stemmed from redundancy and lack of fresh material from the makers of Saas Bahu dramas. I mean once you have shown 9 generations of women viz Saas, bahu, Ma, Dadi Ma, Dadi ma Saas (here I run out of vocabulary to name the other generations in the family tree) and each’s husband dying once, resurrecting and returning to plastic surgeries replacing faces and bodies to symbolically healing dying people with magical powers – one is seriously left out of options.
Like the civil disputes over properties that run up to 30 years, or, like politicians whose careers after the age of 60 run for 30 years; soap operas and their script writers have dejectedly died trying to find that ‘twist’ and their heirs coming up with innovative ideas yelling ‘eureka’ in Nirmal Shouchalayas (Public toilets) across country. No wonder the serials are shit. Or, full or it.
And one fine day, India was presented with “Reality Television”. People loved it. The shows were interactive, giving out oodles of money to common men and women. I personally dislike this new phrase ‘Mango people’ used for ‘Aam Admi’. What standards is the film industry falling to with such poor jokes – I thought it was my forte. Next, they will make fun of constitution of India’s preamble “We the Banayan of India” (People in English = Banayan tree in Hindi). Like my friend would say – its pathetic man.
Well, now that you have gotten my point – Reality television exploded on to Indian homes like a bomb does in Indian cities from time to time. It had a viewer psyche altering effect. Of course none of the Indian reality shows, except for MTV Roadies, are original ideas stemming from the brilliant minds that only choose to either become Doctors, Engineers, Scientists, or, Call centre Executives...did I forget software engineers?
But heck, TRPs for most of these shows were rising exponentially. Kaun banega Crorepati, Indian Idol, Big Boss, MTV Bakra etc. The latest one is Iss jungle se mujhe bachao though these are rip-offs from the reality T.V shows of the west, they were and still are unconditionally loved nonetheless – probably for they portray hidden fantasies of most of the Junta: quick bucks and hot chicks.
So we at Indian PJBoy Productions have decided to create a new reality show that will devour TRPs at a rate Indians reproduce (which clearly is beyond exponential), heck, the magnanimity of this show lies in its tagline itself: Recreation, Reproduction, Reruns. It’s like the perfect titration (for science students only) – a rare occurrence.
Now that you understand how huge this show is / will be lets look at some of the salient features, i.e How the show will lift you to higher levels of consciousness via idiot box medium and what you can expect:
1. How many times have you seen Rakhi Sawant marry a Crorepati who is not smarter than a 5th grader, is allegedly a Big Boss, a rescued Neanderthal (hee hee) from the Amazonian jungles in a grand wedding ceremony where all are having wardrobe malfunction in permutations and combinations? Zero times, right. And that is the first zero ever invented that we are talking about. Not like the zeroes of today which are lesser in value than the zeroes of the yore.
2. How many times have you seen Mithun Chakraborty jive to Gutar Gutar song after the Gutar Gutar song was released?
3. How many times have you seen Karan Johar inviting Shahrukh Khan for coffee with Karan and them actually having it (if you know what I mean)?
4. How many times have you seen politicians (from various parties) play the game of ‘Musical Chair’, live on television? Okay that you may have seen, but, our show selects music that will be patriotic, democratic, secular and refreshingly new (young) in nature…we also guarantee frail, old, senile, cunning, manipulative, snarling and corrupt politicians. Survival of the fittest – not in physical sense though.
5. How many times have you seen recent Ram Gopal Verma films? No, we don’t intend to show them either.
6. How many times have you seen Ambani Brothers calling to buy LPG cylinders, with the gas in them?
7. How many times have you seen two piece bikini clad hot chicks, who can give Indra’s Apsaras a run for their monies, showering in a waterfall, eating strawberries and then again showering? Wait, that’s just our commercials people…All of you who want to endorse their products, please contact 1800 INDIAN PJBOY (100 lines are open) – and please contact only for product endorsements.
8. How many times have you seen Shekhar Suman dancing and singing and contesting against Siddhu in election from the same constituency, while Siddhu just scares his contestant to death by hysterical table thumping and laughter (he has practiced that in Lok sabha before, remember)?
9. How many times have you seen Beverly Hill’s Slumdog Millionaires, who are the worst hit by speculative realty markets crashing and recession?
10. How many times have you seen, how can she slap me? We will bitch-slap poor participants and ask them to fuck-off, while late current metro sexy idiot retorts, ‘How can you slap her’ exactly after 15 seconds - time it takes to be cognizant of ‘Draw me not with honor and sheath me not until its over’, and we are not talking about ceremonial service swords. Hum. Have we heard that one before?
The last point was just to vent out my frustration at these pathetic Reality T.V game shows that lure people with conniving motives. We intend to do the same.
The name of our show is “Absudities” – Rcreation, Reproduction, Reruns. It’s diverse in functionality, it’s witty and in itself a casualty. So, come one and come all to the history in making, a new dawn in the 21st of century.
Please Note: Commenting on this post will get you a free slapstick standup comedy session with “How can she slap me” game show hosts, unless, you would want to come to Absurdities. You are most welcome.
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